This Crazy Ride

I'm standing barefoot in our little galley kitchen, hips swaying.  I've got one baby in my arms and another with her arms wrapped around my legs.  And we're dancing. And singing together.  Our new favorite song is playing on repeat from the counter top.  The one that is still littered from last night's dinner dishes.  Oh, and the lunch before that.  It's 11 am and I'm still in my pajamas and the baby I'm holding could use a bath.  This has been my life for the past 8 weeks.  And it will continue to be for some time.

"Heaven knows that it's a crazy ride, it's never perfect all the time.  It'll pull you down and send you flying, so baby hold on tight, on this crazy ride..."

Life.  It sure is a crazy ride.  I think that's why this song resonates with me.  It's a life I never prepared for, never quite dreamed would turn out like this.  You know, the one where you are giving so much of yourself to little people that you find it hard to find your own self most days?

Someone asked me once if I enjoyed being a mother.  If I enjoy my children.  And I've contemplated this question a lot over the past few years.  Do I enjoy being a mom?  Well, there are definitely parts of being a mom that I don't enjoy.  There are those "get in the shower and cry so no one can hear me" times...If you say you don't have those kind of showers, you're lying.

There are those evenings that I swear if my daughter calls me one more time to get up to go the bathroom, I may destroy everything on the coffee table.  Because all I really want is a break. There's that darn breast pump that I'd like to hurl against the wall because I've become its slave for the past 2 months and there's no end in sight to our hate/hate relationship. When the baby is due for his 8 week shots and I'm having a panic attack because I hate to see him in pain.  When the endless pile of dishes in the sink starts to get to me. And the dancing in the kitchen doesn't seem so magical but more like a road block to keep me from getting things done in my day.

But I think that if you are a parent, you know the upside to this crazy ride is all of the unexpected moments in life that take your breath away.

Like your baby's very first smile. Or when he discover's his hands.  His first 6 hour stretch of sleep that leaves you feeling like a new person.  When your 3 year old writes her own name for the very first time.  When she finally masters how to "pump her legs" and then spends hours on the backyard swing set with a plastered on grin.  The first time you hear "I love you momma."

There's a joy to parenting that not a person or thing can steal.  Not the weary moments that come with having a newborn or the exasperating days that accompany toddler hood. And I'm in this place.  I'm on this roller coaster ride of parenting.  With all of the varying highs and lows and inbetweens.

So tonight, I'm going to let the dishes sit.
I'm going to pretend I don't smell the spit up milk that has been sitting too long on my pajama top. The one I probably should have changed hours ago. I'm going to hug my babies tight.
And we're going to dance.

Because all too soon, the days of first smiles and learning to pump will be gone. And it will be those days that I'll be missing and remembering.  Not the sleepless nights or the weariness and exhaustion that comes with being a young momma.  I'm on this crazy ride.  I'm right in the middle of it. It isn't anything like I thought it would be.  It isn't what I planned. It's actually better. And the amazing thing is, I wouldn't trade this ride for anything.