Happy Memorial Weekend!

Happy Memorial Weekend from the Baker Family!  Without a doubt, Memorial weekend holds a special place in our hearts.  It was Memorial Monday five years ago that our bright yellow moving van drove through Colorado and officially marked the start of life here for us! 

 

This year I wanted to give Mackenzie and Levi an understanding of why we celebrate Memorial Day.  Obviously, Levi is still a little young to understand but Mack is at a great age.  I can't tell you how many times I was asked today, "Mom, can you tell me more about war..."  Umm.. what!? 

 

I decided to take a little bit of a lighter spin on the day and have her make cards for residents of a local senior living home.  I called ahead to make sure it would be okay to drop off cards and treats on Monday. Then we got to work making "thank you" cards for current veterans and Happy Memorial Day cards for the rest of the seniors.  This girl has such a big heart, she loved every minute of designing these cards for "Mommy's residents". 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After we made cards for our local veterans, Makenzie and I set the table for our weekend festivities.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I can be pretty cheap.  I'm really proud of how our table turned out...and would you believe that every decoration on this table (minus the flower arrangement) was from either the Target dollar spot section or the dollar store.  Even the plates and chargers, which I've managed to use for Christmas and Easter so far this year as well. 

 

 

 

 

 

Sweet homemade cards and thrifty table decorations aside, these two are a reminder of why I am so grateful to the men and women who serve and protect our country.

 

As I have spent the day explaining to Mackenzie about why we celebrate, I've reflected on how blessed we are to live in America.  My babies have freedoms and rights that many children will never know.  My children are safe from war.  As parents, we are free to teach Mackenzie and Levi about Jesus without fear of punishment or reprimand.  My goodness, how we take that for granted each and every day. 

 

Hug a veteran this weekend!  Bring flowers or a card and let them know how loved and appreciated they are!

 

Happy Memorial Weekend, friends! 

He Is For Me

Goodness.  Have you ever just woken up one morning to feel like you are on the front lines of a battle... and that battle is against your own self?  Because that's been me today. I rolled out of bed and I've just been struggling to love myself. 

Honestly-- to even really like myself. 

And I think it's on tough days like this that my first response is to shrink back into my shell and to hide from the world.  I really just want to retreat to the protection of my covers, binge watch Gilmore Girls and shovel chocolate chips into my mouth. But it's on these days that I know God has called me to really just write and speak truth. 

So here I am. Hi. It's me again. My hope is that some woman out there can relate to this struggle and will find solace in the fact that -- A. You are not alone and B. I'm doing the messy heart work of learning for the both of us today.

I've been on a journey this year and I can't say it's been the easiest one. With that said, I really do believe it's proving to be an incredibly rewarding journey.  It's been a journey of realizing that there is a God who is pursuing me.  All of me.  Yes, even the parts of me that I wake up hating.  Even the parts of me that other people don't like. 

My sweet husband has been praying this for me for years -- that I would see God as the father who loves me unconditionally.  A God who is relentlessly after my heart.   And, slowly but surely, I've been getting there.  You see, I've struggled with this view of God as all powerful, judgmental, and just waiting to rain down punishment and shame on me for the person that I should be and am not.  For my past and for the struggles I'm still fighting to overcome.

It's taken me pouring over scripture and really writing and recording the character of God, for me to start to believe that He really is for me and not against me.   

This same God who delivered the Israelites from the abuse and harsh hands of the Egyptians and then parted the Red Sea. 

He loves me. 

This same God who met the runaway slave girl Hagar by a well in the wilderness and called out her shame.  On that day, Hagar named God, "El Roi" which means "The God who sees me". 

He sees me too.  He sees me when I'm wiping peanut butter from sticky hands and faces.  When I'm playing referee to little fights and rocking my sick, feverish baby in the middle of the night. 

This God who commanded Joshua to cross the Jordan River into the Promised Land and instructed Him not to fear.  He promised the Israelites that they would have full protection and victory.  This God who fulfilled that promise. 

This God who stopped the flow of the Jordan River so they could pass through safely. 

This same God goes before me and He fights my battles.

This is where I find my comfort and my security on the hard days. 

On the days where I just feel less than. 

On the days when I'm struggling because I feel like I've failed as a wife and a mother. 

On the days when I burn the pancakes and we're late for school.

On the days when I run into our perfectly-put-together pastor's wife in the store and I just want to hide because I couldn't even make a messy bun look cute. 

On the days when I feel guilty because I sent my husband to work with leftover pizza. Again. 

On the days when the family kitty is still missing and I feel guilty because I should probably be doing more to bring the lost prodigal home. 

On the days when I've looked at one too many Instagram posts from friends who seem to have it more together than me. 

On the days when the baby is throwing up and the kitchen is piled high with dishes and all I can think to do is stick my kids in front of Netflix and then find a closest to lock myself in and cry.

On the days when I just can't seem to let go of the shame of my past. So instead, I camp on regret and guilt rather than embracing freedom and Grace.

These are the day I just have to continue to go back to these truths.

God loves me.  He sees me.  He's going before me and He is fighting my battles. 

My battle has already been won. 

So if you are having one of these days like I am, maybe you can rest easy in these truths. 

There's a God who is for you, who loves you, who sees you and He is fighting for you. Even on the days when you are against yourself. 

San Francisco Lovin'

We returned from our first official kid free vacation (whoop!) about three weeks ago and boy, did I leave a big piece of my heart in San Francisco!  What a fantastic city! 

 

I'll be the first to say that since living in a big city, I prefer to stay far away from the "touristy" attractions and to find the little hole-in-the-wall city gems that are known mainly to the locals.  I feel like we were able to successfully meld the two-- doing both the touristy and the non-touristy.  I wanted to share some of our favorites for any of you who are considering a trip in the future!

 

GRAB COFFEE & HEAD TO ALAMO SQUARE PARK

On our first full day in San Francisco, Jeremy and I drove from our condo in the Potrero Hill neighborhood and headed to Pacific Heights for coffee and some exploring.  I'll be honest -- my motive for driving to this little neighborhood was to check out the "Full House" home located at 1709 Broderick Street.  God bless my sweet husband for entertaining the 90's child that still lives in me. 

 

 

We found coffee at a great little hole-in-the-wall shop called Cumaica and then headed to the Haight Ashbury neighborhood to Alamo Square Park for an unparalleled view of the San Francisco skyline and to get that iconic picture in front of The Painted Ladies.  I'm sure Alamo Square ranks high on the tourist list for San Francisco but really, this park is a must visit even if you are a bit cynical about touristy type attractions. 

VISIT CHINA TOWN FOR DIN SUM

Head to China Town in the North Beach neighborhood and grab din sum at You's.  This tiny gem fed us well!  We loaded our plates with sticky buns, fried rice, noodles, dumplings and egg rolls.  A small disclaimer...if you are looking for extra clean and upscale, this is not the place for you.  However, the service was fantastic and the four of us ate for around $25.  We all commented that if we were locals, this place would often get us into trouble! 
Definitely a score of find.

 

VISIT THE SAINTS PETER AND PAUL CATHOLIC CHURCH

After you've finished your din sum, head to the Saints Peter and Paul Catholic Church located right in the heart of downtown San Francisco at 666 Filbert Street in the North Beach neighborhood.  The ornate architecture make this sacred church worth a visit.  Be prepared to sit in silence and take in all of the beauty.  Just make sure you take off your hat when you enter or you'll get a good scolding. 
 

 

 

TAKE A FERRY TO SAUSALITO

 Sausalito is a little beach side town right off of the San Francisco Bay.  You can catch the Golden Gate Ferry from the San Francisco Ferry Building  (Embarcadero at Market) or Blue and Gold Fleet From near Pier 39.  The fair price is $10.75 each way.  The ferry has a full service bar with alcoholic and non alcoholic drinks as well as food.  You can also reach Sausalito from the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge by car or bicycle. In my opinion though, the ferry was a beautiful way to see the San Francisco skyline and enjoy a nice cocktail along the way.

 





VIST SHOONMAKER BEACH IN SAUSALITO
Upon arriving in Sausalito, we opted to skip the "touristy" part of town and head for 99 Liberty Way-- If you take a right at the main town square and head down the street you will find Shoonmaker Beach and marina.  This little beach was a perfect little hideaway!  We spent our afternoon with our toes in the sand and guessing yacht prices from the dock.  I'm not kidding-- one yacht we googled was worth $20 million. 
Talk about a small town with big money! 

 

EAT AT THE SALSALITO TACO BAR

While in Sausalito you MUST hit up Salsalito Taco Bar located off the beaten path at 1115 Bridgeway.  It is the quintessential road side taco bar that everyone dreams of finding--and we did.  If you do nothing else on your trip to Sausalito, please go here!  The menu was fantastic and the outdoor seating made the atmosphere divine. 



When you are done eating, you can make a quick left out of the Taco Bar and head to the nearest bus stop (about half a block down) where you can hop on the #10 bus for $5 per person.  The bus will take you back to San Francisco via the Golden Gate Bridge for another iconic experience! 

TAKE A FERRY TO ALCATRAZ ISLAND
I'll admit, I didn't quite understand all of the fuss about Alcatraz Island but because every person I spoke to before our trip recommended this tour, I reluctantly paid the hefty price for two tickets ($40 a person).  I can say now, that I'm so glad I did.  This was one of the highs of our trip-- Alcatraz Island has a fascinating history and experiencing it hands on was well worth the price!

Some tips to get the most out of visiting Alcatraz-- buy tickets beforehand online because they sell out quickly!  Book a very early tour (either the Early Bird or one of the 9:00 am hour spots).  This tour gets incredibly crowded.  Once on the island, be sure to find one of the ranger interpretive guides for the inside scoop on living conditions of the prison and famous escapes.  And you will NOT want to miss the 45 minute audio tour through the jail house itself.  This was by far the best part of the visit to Alcatraz Island.
 

 
VISIT BUENA VISTA FOR IRISH COFFEE
   Gayle's parents made sure that Buena Vista for Irish Coffee was on our list of must visits for San Francisco.  They were locals of the city over 30 years ago so we knew it must be good if it was still in business. We also heard of Buena Vista from a bar tender at Tony's Pizza (another must visit) early on in the week.  Needless to say, on our final day we made sure we stopped in.  It did not disappoint. 

The Buena Vista is located just to the left of the Powell-Hyde Cable Car's last stop on Fisherman's Wharf at 2765 Hyde Street.  The bartenders have their Irish Coffee making skills down to an exact science, pouring a line of at least a dozen all at once and divvying the drinks out to pretty much everyone who walks in.  And our bartender at Tony's was right.  Buena Vista does serve some incredible Irish Coffee!
 

 

 

 

VISIT CRISSY FIELD FOR VIEWS OF THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE

 One of the highs of our trip was the accidental stumble upon The Presidio and Crissy Field while searching for a great view of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Unbeknownst to us, this is actually the view most locals take advantage of while many tourists don't make it past the base of the bridge. We opted not to walk the Bridge and found ourselves on a trail leading us through the Presidio and down towards Fort Point.  The views of the bridge from this trail are just breathtaking.  Not to mention the amount of life taking place from the trail and surrounding parks... bikers and runners, dog parks, boaters and fishermen...

 

 

 



Gold Gate Bridge View From Crissy Field

Some other helpful tips I'll add before saying goodbye...
Have you heard of Uber?  Uber is an internationally (up and coming) alternative to the taxi service.  Using Uber was our primarily method of transportation around the city and I have to say it was brilliant.  You can connect with Uber by downloading the app on your smart phone.  Using the app you can request your ride and track your driver to see when he/she will arrive to your location. 

The best part-- all of the "kick backs".  You get a free ride "kick back" code for signing up and also a new code each time you refer friends.  In total for ALL of the rides we took around the city?  $20 bucks.  That's it. We used "kick back" codes each time and it made our transportation SO easy and SO cheap. 
It was fantastic. 

To use my Uber kickback code just sign up using this link --> Free Uber Signup Code.  When you sign up you and I BOTH get a free $20 Uber ride code.  When signing up you'll have to link your payment information (don't worry-- no one but you and Uber will see it).  This is just incase your first ride costs over the $20 coupon code.  Really though, how can you turn down a free ride around the city?

Another tip when planning your trip to San Francisco--Check out Air BNB for your lodging.  It's a more comfortable, cost effective alternative to staying in a hotel.  We snagged a 2 bedroom condo in Potrero Hill and it was absolutely lovely.  Free street parking, gorgeous views of the downtown skyline, our own kitchen and privacy.  I could not recommend AIR BNB more!

 

And one more, because how can I not share the two sweethearts we came home to?  While I won't lie-- we LOVED our kid free vacation, coming home to these smiles was exactly what this momma's heart needed!  We can't wait to return to San Fran someday with these two to explore even more of this city!

 

Finding My Brave

This morning I walked into our very last MOPS gathering for the year and I'm a little embarrassed to admit it-- the second I stepped through those swinging glass doors I was a mess -- a lump in my throat and fighting back tears. I just wasn't ready for this year to be over.

Coming off of the heels of my last post where I wrote about how much women scare me senseless, I have to say that just joining MOPS this year was a huge step for me in being brave.  Which was perfect since the theme this year was fittingly -- Be You Bravely. I was incredibly nervous to join a group of women I didn't know and to be asked to share my story.  I wasn't sure how receptive they would be of me and how much I should trust them with the deep parts of my heart.

What I found upon joining last September was a group of the most lovely, courageous and authentic women I've ever had the privilege of knowing.  Last fall, on a brisk Sunday night, a group of 6 of us bounced and caravanned our way to a little mountain home for tea and sharing our stories.  I wondered if it would be mostly filled with light small talk and giggling-- about funny things our children have done or trading, "You too!?" moments regarding what we studied in college.  What I found could not have been more opposite.

The stories shared that night were raw and broken and authentic.  They were stories of rocky marriages, divorce and abuse.  Heavy words and hearts filled the room as we poured out about the painfulness of years of infertility and miscarriages, the incredibly difficult and faith filled road of pursuing adoption and the ugliness of antepartum and postpartum depression.  And even still-- threads of God's faithful redemption were weaved throughout each of our journeys. 

I remember climbing into bed that night and just absolutely losing it.  Each tear that hit my pillow seemed to hold the weight and the heaviness of the stories that had been shared earlier that evening. And yet, I also remember feeling overwhelmingly thankful to God for seeing it fit to place us together and to trust each of us with one another's hearts. 

That night in the mountains changed everything for me.  I knew that I had found a group of women that were safe.  I had found friends who were going to accept me for me-- the total mess that I am -- and they weren't going to run.  How beautiful and freeing a place to be!

 

In fitting with the theme Be You Bravely, each of us was asked this year to pick something we need to be more brave in and to start pursuing that bravery.  My "brave" was very much two fold. 

My desire was to fear women less-- to trust and to be open to authentic friendships.  And secondly, I wanted to begin pursuing my writing as a way to love and minister to those same women that I've been so fearful of. 

I am by no means "cured" of insecurity, but the life giving words that have been prayed and spoken over me this year by my friends have given me the courage and the bravery to take baby steps.  To trust more, to love more, to write and to share more of my heart.

 

Kristine, Janey, Jess, Sharon, Heidi, Elly, Brooke & Soo-- I know this isn't goodbye. 

I'm confident that God's plan for our little group of Fearless Femmes 

is more far reaching than what we can imagine and grasp now. 

And yet, I'm still teary just writing this.  You girls have been my greatest gift this year. 

Thank you for loving me and encouraging me to be my bravest self.  I love you,

Not Waving The White Flag

"The more I share, the more light is poured out over my story and the less power Satan has."

 

These were words that speaker/author Rebekah Lyons spoke this past weekend at the Women's Forever Conference hosted by Red Rocks Church.  As she spoke, a fire that's been growing in my heart ignited to a full on burn.

 

I remember sitting in a Bible study not too long ago where I nervously expressed what I thought was going to be unique to me.  As each of us women sat cross legged, coffee mugs in hand, I shared my confession.

 

"Growing up I was always the girl to have her heart broken by friends....not boyfriends."

 

There.  I said it. 

 

Imagine my surprise when every other woman in that circle looked at me, some of them laughed at my naivety, they all nodded heavily in agreement murmuring, "Uh huh. Yeah, me too..." 

 

I left that day wondering how it is that I came through childhood, teenage and college years and into adulthood not really realizing just how widespread insecurity, hurt and brokenness are among women.  I left slightly relieved, having realized for the first time in probably forever, that something wasn't actually wrong with me.  But I also left with this feeling deep down in the pit of my stomach that something just wasn't right.

 

I know most of you know my story of postpartum depression and how I came through it.  I won't go through all of that again now.  What I will say is that, that was a season of my life where I didn't feel known.  In fact, I often felt invisible.  Since then, I've had this growing desire to really know and be known.   I've felt this burden to break down the walls of insecurity among women and to find true, authentic friendships. 

 

I'm looking for friendships with women who are excited to rejoice in the celebrations of life but also aren't going to run from the ugly, messy parts that are pervaded by parenting meltdowns, naughty children, broken marriages, messy homes, sickness and sin. 

 

The only problem is....women scare the absolute hell out of me. 

 

I don't think I realized just how much women still scare me until I was surrounded by 800 + of them at this past weekend's conference.  I was managing to hold my insecurities at bay until Friday night. 

 

 

Rebekah Lyons has a real gift in speaking God's truth to women and I don't think there was a single person in that room who didn't feel the presence of the Holy Spirit that night.  Women were crying all around me, hugging one another, praying over each other.  Many were going to the front for prayer, others were raising there hands in worship.  God's presence was tangible.

 

But I just stood there.  I was scared out of my mind. 

 

As soon as the closing prayer was finished I practically ran to my car.  I climbed inside, locked the doors and proceeded to just lose it, my tears and guttural wailing competed with the rain as it beat down on my car windshield. 

 

You see, Rebekah's message was powerful and electric.  It was exactly what I knew God wanted me to hear that night.  She spoke on recognizing calling and finding purpose.  She told us that to find our calling we have to combine our birth right gifts with our burdens.

 

My gift of writing.  And my burden for brokenness and authenticity among women.

 

But there was more going on in that crowded room that night.  There was a battle going on for my own heart.  While God was speaking incredible truth to me from Rebekah's lips, Satan was speaking just as audibly. 

 

Telling me lies. That I'm still not good enough.  That I'll never have authentic friendships.  That I'm not worth authentic friendships.  That my words don't matter.  That I should quit writing because no one really wants to hear what I have to say. 

 

And at some point in my car that night, through my ugly cry, I just became angry.  Furious, actually.  I pulled out a pen and paper and I began to scribble. I cried out to God requesting deliverance from the lies, all the while penning a hate letter to Satan.  I begged God to bind and banish Satan and to remove from him any ability to tamper with the dreams that have been placed in my heart.

 

Because that's what's really going on.  I feel it deep down in my soul.  I believe that God has big plans for me.  That He desires to use me to reach women who really need to hear truth spoken to them.  To be reminded of how much God loves them, that they are valued, have worth and are seen.

 

And Satan doesn't want that.  So he's going to do everything in his power to take me back to square one.  To make me fearful of the women I know I am called to reach.  To stop me dead in my tracks before I can form authentic friendships.  That's what he was trying to do in that room on Friday night.  I stood there, surrounded by women, fearful, cowering and intimidated. Nearly everything in me wanted to wave the white flag of surrender. 

 

But something else Rebekah said was ringing loud and clear in my car that night.  She quoted 1 John 4:18, "There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear."

 

I have to believe that God's perfect love for me is going to continue to heal my brokenness and to fend off Satan's lies.  His love for me and His desire for me to fulfill His purpose for my life is going to transcend all of Satan's attempts to bring me back to a place of shrinking and hiding from other women. 

 

I won't do it.  I lived in that place for too long and I'm not going to go back.  I'm going to beat this insecurity and I'm going to keep writing and speaking truth.  I'm going to continue to speak God's truth to myself. 

 

Because my dreams are worth it. 

 

I am worth it. 

 

My desire for deep authentic community with other women -- worth it. 

 

So hear me now Satan, if it takes a battle, I AM willing to fight. Just go ahead and bring it.

 

"The more I share, the more light is poured out over my story and the less power Satan has."

Dear Momma

Dear Momma,

This morning I sat at my kitchen table and cried and cried -- but not for myself. 

The tears were for all of you mommas who are struggling with no end in sight.  You see, I'm part of several Facebook groups for postpartum depression and anxiety.  And each day in my feed I see dozens of posts from mommas who are just aching for some relief.  Desperate for hope.  Maybe that's you and that's why you are here.

Or maybe you are the momma who didn't struggle with any sort of depression and you're reading right now and thinking "She's just being overly dramatic." Perhaps your were looking for a more light hearted blog about DIY projects or recipes. Today is not your day and I can't and won't apologize for the heaviness of this post.  I would ask that if you haven't experienced any sort of depression that you read what's on my heart today with an open mind and with a desire to understand and walk alongside a momma who has or is experiencing postpartum depression or anxiety.

Today I want to address the momma who just brought her baby home from the hospital and you're wondering why you don't like your baby.  I want you to know that you aren't alone.  I was there.  I was that momma.  I was the momma who, just days after leaving the hospital, decided I didn't like my baby.  I didn't really like the screaming tyrant that had suddenly upset my quiet, well kept world. And it's a scary and confusing place to be, isn't it? No one warned you about this part, did they?  The part where you are wishing you could send your baby back.  No one told you about how ashamed you would feel and how hard it would be to even tell your own husband or your very best friend about these thoughts. Well I'm here to tell you today that it is okay.  YOU are going to be okay.  These thoughts don't define you as a momma now and they won't define you moving forward. 

To the momma who rocks her baby at night and instead of feeling love and warmth and all of those fuzzy feelings, you feel anger -- take heart, not even this momma appreciated being woken up at midnight, 2 am, 3 am, 5 am and so on...  I use to rock my newborn with clenched fists and tears streaming down my cheeks.  I was angry at the inconvenience and angry that I couldn't predict when I would get my next good night of sleep. 

If that's you, I would say two things.  First, you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.  Second, you need to do everything you can to get some sleep.  Ask a neighbor, find a friend-- any friend. Ask someone to watch your baby so you can take a good, long nap.  I never asked for this and at 6 weeks postpartum, I was hospitalized with kidney stones, dehydration and exhaustion.  It took me being hospitalized before I was forced to asked for help.  Do not do that to yourself momma!

To the momma who finds herself thinking about hopping in the car and driving to a brand new life, I was you. 

To the momma who cries all day and can't remember the last time you went out with friends because you feel guilty or too scared to leave her baby, I was you.

To the momma whose husband doesn't fully understand. To the momma who is embarrassed to reach out for support -- asking for help doesn't make you weak.  It means that you love your baby and that you want the very best life for your family.

To the momma who is struggling to find her identity beyond motherhood--I want you to know how normal your feelings are.  The struggle is real and it's not easy.  To go from working outside of the home, feeling put together and dare I say--clean. I left my full time job on a Tuesday and gave birth to my daughter on a Thursday.  There was no transition time, no time to reflect on how giant a leap I would be taking in altering my identity.  I went from being a working girl to a sleep deprived momma sporting spit up as the new fashion statement round' the clock.  Yeah, you too huh?  Let's fist bump it sister!

So here's the thing-- here's what I've learned since I walked this same road six years ago and I'm now on the other side of it. You need to hear this. 

You have not lost your identity.  You are still you.  You are still amazing and wonderful, smart, talented and beautiful.  You are still the woman your husband fell in love with.  You have not lost your identity-- you have added to your identity.  And you might not recognize this addition as beauty now but trust me momma, someday soon you will see it in all it's glory. 

I wish I could hug each and every one of you mommas who are hurting, who feel lost and like there's no end in sight to the pain.  I wish I could take your hand and walk you down this road of healing.  My heart hurts just typing this because the pain is fresh and real.  Please don't walk this road alone.  You are worth more than that.  Your marriage is worth it.  Your friendships are worth it.   Find a friend and share your heart.  Find a counselor.  Let go of the shame and the self hatred.  Talk to your doctor about medicine if that's what it's going to take.  Or search out a more natural route.  Do whatever it takes. 

And one more thing-- the most important thing.

You and your sweet baby are going to get through this.  I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will conquer this. 

I remember wondering if I was ever going to enjoy motherhood.  I resolved myself to the fact that motherhood was just meant to be miserable and that it was an ugly, dark secret that no one wanted to share with me before I gave birth. 

This is a deep rooted lie momma.

I have no idea what your faith is.  I don't know if you believe in God or a higher power.  But I do.  And I believe God put you in this role in this time and in this place for a purpose. 

I also believe that there is a thief who has come to steal, kill and destroy.  And he wants nothing more than to steal the joy you are meant to have a new momma.  To take from you the love and the precious time of making good memories with your baby. 

But Jesus said, "I have come so that you may have life and have it abundantly." (John 10:10)

So fight for that joy momma.  For that abundant life have been promised. Fight back and speak truth against those lies that tell you weren't meant for this.  That you weren't ready for this.  That it should be easier. 

Those are bold faced lies so fight with everything you've got. 

You will be healed.  You will feel the joy. 

Fight for these moments--

The first day your baby puts his hands on your cheeks and puckers his lips to yours.  The first full night of uninterrupted sleep, you will wake up excited to greet your little girl in her crib.  The day he learns to say, "Momma" and reaches for only you.  The day she learns to sing along with you to your favorite song.  You will have your moment, your day in the sun. 

This morning I want you to take a shower, to get dressed and to put on some makeup and look in the mirror.  I want you to remember the strong woman you've got inside of you.  The career woman, the athletic woman, the educated woman, the woman who bravely carried a baby for nine long months.  You are still that woman.  Now go pick up that baby and start fighting.

You are worth it.  Your sweet baby is worth it. 

The joy is coming.  The relief is coming.  There is hope. I promise.  Just keep fighting.